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I don’t think I had this thing before this. I kinda always knew I didn’t have this thing, and somewhat tried to get this thing. But at the moment I least expected it, when I was not looking for it, I got this thing. And I was happy. It was as if, for a brief moment, God threw me a bone. But all good things come to an end.

It is so hard to let go. I want so much to be angry at someone, something, somewhere. Most of all, I’m angry that I ever got the taste of this thing and knew what I was missing my entire life, and what I may miss for the rest of my life.

I guess, the very least, for this short period of time, a second in the grand scheme of things, I was happy.


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