Hatred for SMU up, as with pessimism and depression

So this term is supposed to be my last term in SMU (I want to do my last proper one on exchange). This term I so happen to take a full course load, and one of those subjects is just killing me (with my health down, that’s quite literal). Its so time consuming, it’s so much more time consuming than anything else I’ve ever done in SMU before. But above and beyond that, I just have no inkling how to finish the project (or any assurance that I can finish the project). I never felt this way, so doomed, certain for failure.

And the worse part of it? 1) the subject is compulsory, 2) the subject have ABSOLUTELY NO RELEVANCE to my courses of study, 3) and the bits about the course that actually value-add? I’ve already known it before the class. If I had to code VBA to force Excel (seemingly so vital for an econs + pol sci student) into a database software for my day job after graduation, and that’s the only job available to me, where even taxi companies and Starbucks rejects me, mark my words: I would kill myself.

I blame jadedness

I just applied for a lowly-paid position at SMU’s Open House, maning the School of Economics booth. I bet I can tell what all you three of my regular readers are thinking: “Oh no! Doesn’t the School of Economics know how you feel about economics?”

To which I say – I intend to encourage people to apply for economics. “You liked economics in A-Levels? You should apply! It’s exactly like it!”

I would just dish out horrible lies, “You don’t really like maths? Well, I mean, there are only two math-intensive courses you need to do… It’s really a lot of theory instead”

And dissuade others from applying for other degrees, “You want to do a qualitative social science degree? Well, hello, economics is the shit man”.

And my straight-faced lies would cover the inherent contradiction of our economics program, “Why yes, our economics program is vigorous enough to go into graduate econs!” and “Well, our economics program is pretty general, so you shouldn’t be afraid. In fact, it’s so general, it isn’t sufficient for most graduate programs” (yes, our economics degree is neither general or specialize – it occupies a hellish point in between).

And if I’m sufficiently hung-over, “We econs student see a lot of models”.

And I will get paid. How often can you do evil while being paid?

Funny Gaffe

Was at the Malaysian Student Leaders Summit. Highlights:

The Prime Minister, Dato’ Seri Ahmad Abdul Badawi, didn’t know the topic of his speech. Instead, he gave a long, 40-minute rambling speech Malaysiakini charitably described as, “off-the-cuff address to the students on a wide range of topics”. It was pointed out by a brave chap during Q&A.

Much like the PM, only without the benefit of Q&A, the Higher Education Minister Dato’ Seri Khalid Nordin similarly like the sound of his own voice. Key points of his speech: what is leadership? Ground shattering discoveries were revealed, such as leadership involves *gasp* responsibilities.

The Education Minister, Dato’ Seri Hishamuddin Tun Hussein, was a breath of fresh air. His speech was interesting and short (and notably, keris-free), and he didn’t seem to avoid answering most of the question. Favourite answer, to the question on why there is a bumper crop of straight A’s during election year, “Well, that didn’t really helped us in the last election”.

Dato’ Seri Hishamuddin’s ability to answer questions didn’t seem shared by panelists of other forums. I posed a question in the forum on national unity to Royal Professor Dr Ungku Aziz, on the need of a single, national language (I cited Switzerland), and why Malay ought to be that single, national language when it is seen as the language of the Malays, not a neutral language.

The professor in fact only prescription for national unity is the ability to converse in one language. Most, if not all, Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish speak English yet there is a glaring lack of national (or in this case, erm, inter-national?) unity in the United Kingdom.

The MC, Sarah Chian (spelling?) is extremely fluent in both English and Malay but seems confused when to use either (such as English to wrap up a predominantly-Malay speech and vice-versa).

That sinking feeling

That swirlish sound as water flows rapidly down the sink? Exactly how I feel about this term. The last time I had this feeling was last term, just before the exams – it wasn’t too good on my grades. And the term before that? The sinking feeling came around exam time. It was a massacre.

I look forward in anticipated dread.

Joy.

Regret

The realization that, for a nice schedule, you chose the wrong professor. One that gives far more readings that the other and expect you to know the depth of it.

Purpose in life:

Pulling down the curve, to help others score B’s and A’s.

P.S. As you can imagine – my applied econometrics midterm? Well. Uhm. Let’s just say it would be a miracle on the magnitude of walking on water or raising up the dead if I pass. Heck, I’ll walk on Kallang Basin if I pass.

P.P.S. The last opportunity to drop the subject was… 1 hour ago.

Clearing the cobwebs

Updates:

• Happy Eid! This year I been to two Ramadhan bazaars – double that of last year!
• I could have gone to more when I was back in KL last weekend till Wednesday, but I contracted the flu. It’s almost as if Allah smite me. Either that, or chronic, prolonged sleep deprivation.
• The wireless card I had broke. To pieces. I bought one at Sim Lim today (err, yesterday), but because I could only afford something below S$50, I got some Taiwanese shit. It gives Windows XP a nice, retro Blue Screen of Death every time I slot it in my PC card drive.
• The sparse blogging would slowly turn non-existent. But tomorrow, I have to deal with some T-Shirt shit instead of studying for the two hard, hard midterms or cracking my head over a term paper whose draft is due next week.
• That term paper – I don’t have a single clue what to write. So far, I wrote my name, my professor’s name, the title and the question. I’m so proud of myself.
• Someone was asking me how to apply to SMU (NUS and NTU) in KL. I was trying hard not to scream out in tears, “NOOOOO, save yourself!” while seeming diplomatic and truly enjoying my time in SMU.
• I’m also trying to figure out how to say, “You’re not smart enough for Singapore. Trust me,” without sounding smug.
• Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned. Last Tuesday for my grandmother’s memorial – and questions like, “How’s Singapore?” (Singapore’s doing alright) and, “Why did you go to Singapore?” (Oh, the wonderful opportunity. Plus, I learnt a lot) and the classic, “Economics and political science? Got jobs meh?” (Yes, so much of jobs. One of my seniors even came out with a S$12,000 starting pay job. The rest made it with a mere $11,500 starting pay).

Hello from La Salle

Nope, that’s not some far-off island I wish it was. It’s a “private” arts college in Singapore that happens to be right next to my hostel. And I’m here because of the Internet. Internet’s down in the hostel – shockingly, despite being managed by the award-winning Centre for IT, SMU.

And it has been down for the past three days. Joy.

Blogging shall remain terse until I think of something up (something cheaper than this).

Chants don’t work

If you’re wondering why blogging have been rare, it’s not because I don’t like you. While generally, that has been a pretty good excuse, the Internet connection in my new place sucks so bad that I just caught myself chanting, “send, send, send (swivels chair, arms flagging in the air) send, send…” to an important email (it got sent, two hours later).

But I can’t really put all the blame on SMU hostel: Singtel kinda has a monopoly on the area. Though with the rent, the same amount of rent where I can rent an entire double-storey terrace house just off Jalan Telawi, Bangsar, only S$8 of it each month goes to Singtel. Cheap doesn’t even begin to say it.

And right now, homing pigeons seem to be faster and more reliable, but as luck would have it, Singtel has a monopoly on that too.

Maybe if ASEAN had fireworks

Just now (yesterday), I went with a bunch of new hostel mates to the Padang to watch the National Day Parade live on the wide screen tele (which we couldn’t see or hear). But the sea of red and white were only waiting for one thing: the fireworks. After that, it was perhaps the only time I’ve seen streets like St Andrew’s and Coleman covered with people–so much so vehicular traffic can’t pass.

But the day before, the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (Asean) anniversary passed without so much as a whimper. Take a look as it’s relevancy. Peace? With bits like the East Timor massacre, hard to attribute to Asean. Trade? AFTA (Asean Free Trade Agreement) is riddled with so much holes and exemptions, it’s benefits to Aseanites it marginal if at al. Maybe democracy in Burma? Heh, forget Burma – not one Indochinese Asean member is democratic by any stretch of the word.

Maybe haze prevention then? Nadda – not only is Indonesia sticking out, the recent bad haze in northern Thailand caused by Burma (both are signatories of that trans-boundary pollution treaty shit) only shows Asean is a rather expensive talk shop.

Moving back to Singapore, I’m proud of myself. I managed to stay away from liquor throughout the entire National Day holiday. Speaking of which, you know SMU Hostel bans alcohol? You know, the same school that has not one, but two pubs on campus? And two branches of 7-Eleven that sells alcohol? The same school that gave out free beer on its anniversary? They ban not merely consumption per se but procession of alcohol in my overpriced, cramp cosy hostel room.

They can pry my scotch from my cold, dead hands.